


Acceptance

by fluffy_marshmallow_cas



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Caring Sam, Cas better come back nice and quick thanks, Cas in the bunker (past), Castiel is dead, Castiel's truck - Freeform, Dean is in denial, Depressing, Flashbacks, Graphic depiction of death, Grieving Dean, Grieving Sam, I don't even want this to happen why did i write this, I have a new appreciation of fanfic writers, M/M, Mixtape, Nightmares, Not A Happy Ending, One-Shot, Season 13 coda, This is not a happy fic :/, cas's wings, headcannon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-08-03
Packaged: 2018-12-10 14:35:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11693712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fluffy_marshmallow_cas/pseuds/fluffy_marshmallow_cas
Summary: Castiel is dead and Dean is spiraling.





	Acceptance

Cas lays before Dean's slumped form. His body has turned cold by now. Sam is shaking his shoulder. Something about Jack disappearing and needing to be found...something about Mom.

It's all a blur. Sam's words are overshadowed by the sound of Cas's last choked breath. The memories of it erase all else from Dean's mind. The started gasp, the pained wheeze as blood began to fill Cas's mouth, and finally, as death overtook him, all the air being pushed out of his lungs.

Dean sees Cas's body fall to the ground, the broken wings that used to be so whole and magnificent now turned to nothing but ash burned into the dirt. He sees the broken bones, the torn feathers, the empty space where plumage should be.

For the first time since he sunk to his knees, Dean moves.

He's aware of his hand reaching out towards the feathers. Maybe he can fix them...maybe he can help to relieve some of the unbearable agony that Cas must be feeling from his destroyed form.

That Cas felt.

Dean snatches his hand away. His fingers are stained black.

Distantly, he is aware of Sam lifting him up and guiding him to the passenger seat of the Impala, forced to be the strong one despite the tears streaming down his face. A few minutes later, he sees Sam carrying Cas around the corner of the house. He gently lays his body in the backseat. Sam chokes back a sob.

Dean has a fleeting thought that the last time Cas slept in Baby was years ago.

...

They bury Cas under a tree in the field behind the bunker. It doesn't seem right to burn him.

Dean remembers a few years ago when he gave Cas his first full tour of the bunker. He was human then, and at the time, Dean planned on him staying.

He first showed Cas the important rooms, ones that would most likely be used more often than the others. He walked him through the library. Next was the kitchen. Cas made some remark about how much food they had. Dean had felt a guilty pang at Cas being hungry and alone on the streets. He then showed Cas his room, which Dean set up as soon as he returned to the bunker after bringing Sam home from the hospital. It wasn’t much. Just a bed, a little green love seat, and a desk with a couple chairs and a lamp. There was an old telephone on a table next to the couch that Cas would most likely never use. But even though it was pretty much the bare minimum, Cas looked on in awe.  
Last was outside. Dean wasn't sure why he even showed Cas the field, since he'd probably never even come out here.

To Dean's surprise, almost every time Cas visited the bunker throughout his time as a renewed angel, he always took a few moments to go to the field and sit under the tree. When Dean asked him why, he said that it calmed him.

Dean jolts from remembering.

He hangs Cas's trench coat on a branch directly above his grave. It serves as his headstone.

Dean figures that it should be ready for Cas as soon as he gets back.

...

A few days later, Dean wakes up screaming from a nightmare. He's drenched in a cold sweat. The nightmare lingers, memories of flashing lights and choked breaths. Cas's body hitting the ground. Dean's fingers stained with ash.

He doesn't fall back asleep.

...

Dean buries himself in research. He's hungover from alcohol and several sleepless nights, but he continues to flip through page after page and click from website to website. It's the only thing that stops him from remembering.

The goal is to find Mom, and to find mom, they need to find Jack. He opened the rift between worlds once, right? Maybe he could do it again.

Besides, maybe Jack does have some good in him. It's unlikely, but Cas thought so.

Dean continues reading.

...

A month later, they are back at the lake house. Finding Jack had been a bust, but Sam thinks there could be some power left over at his place of birth that could possibly reopen the portal.

Dean can't concentrate on the mission. There are too many reminders. Too many memories. Once they find nothing in the house, they walk out back to where the rift was originally.

Dean looks down and sees wings. He immediately starts to hyperventilate. Sam ushers him back to the house and makes him sit on the steps. Tears stain Sam's face. Dean wonders why he hasn’t cried yet.

He then reminds himself that Cas is coming back, like he always does. Why would he cry when Cas is coming back?

Once the panic attack is over, Sam once again guides him back to the Impala. It's then that he sees the brown and tan truck.

Cas's truck.

Sam tries to stop him, to tell him that the truck will be fine here. Once he realizes Dean isn't listening, he insists that he drive the truck back to the bunker while Dean drives the Impala. Dean tell him to fuck off.

He opens the truck door and pulls himself inside. He doesn't even have to hot-wire it. There is a single key in the ignition. He turns it, an act performed thousands of times throughout Dean's life, somehow made sacred by the fact that it used to be Cas's hand reaching for the same key, to carry out the same action.

He's startled when Led Zeppelin streams through the staticky speakers.

As he drives, he listens. He listens to the tape he gave Cas. The tape Cas almost gave back to Dean because he thought Dean hated him.

Dean could never hate Cas.

If only Dean had been able to tell him.

If only Dean had been able to tell him that he loved him.

It's then, as Stairway to Heaven plays, that Dean breaks.

He sobs.

He's reached acceptance.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic and was written at 3 in the morning when I was feeling especially angsty, so I'm sorry if it was shitty. Please have mercy on me. :)


End file.
